I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
