Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize