she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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