I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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