The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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