i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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