what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
