You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
