No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
