I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
