drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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