question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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