this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
