i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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