I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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