what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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