I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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