Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
