this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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