I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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