I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize