You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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