this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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