Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Less talking, more tequila
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
