Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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