I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
