I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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