I hope mine doesn't look like that
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
