Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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