if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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