I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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