using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
