I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
