Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
