Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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