She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
