dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm at about main and main street
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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