she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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