Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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