oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
