dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
