You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
