yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
