I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
