I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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