I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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