why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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