Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he thought i was a dude.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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