hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
