im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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