No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
