I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
