She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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