Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
