Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
