Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
