my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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