Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
