My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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